Many
of us struggle with or are close to someone who struggles with invisible
disabilities. Invisible disabilities come in many forms. From depression and anxiety to severe
allergies, from intellectual limitations to autoimmune diseases, these
disorders exist all around us. An invisible disability, whether physical,
mental or neurological, is one that is not obvious at first glance. They are
hidden from our view. There is no outward sign that fits our culture’s
preconceived ideas of what defines a disability. An invisible disability causes
limitations with movements, senses or activities, or creates other challenges
that can make ordinary life more difficult. Because of the invisible nature,
people that struggle with these are most often judged, misunderstood and
marginalized. Some common examples include: Psychiatric disorders (depression, PTSD,
bi-polar, schizophrenia); Intellectual limitations (Learning Disabilities, low
IQ, Traumatic Brain Injury); Physical (Narcolepsy, Epilepsy, Chronic Pain)
HOW do we help those we love cope with these disorders?
For me it’s about these three things—
Awareness. Understanding. Acceptance.
· Learn all you can about
the disability. To be able to help
someone with an invisible disability, it is important to seek knowledge about
their disability—what are you dealing with? What is the scope of limitations or
challenges they endure? What treatments or medications are available to them?
Where and how can their boundaries be challenged or pushed? For example, a
person with allergies can possibly pre-medicate if they need to be somewhere
where a dog is present. But a person
with toxic sensitivities does not have an option. And while the potential of a person with
limited intellectual capacity can be maximized, pushing for more than this can
cause frustration and a sense of defeat. Having
said all that, more than anything else, we need to allow for the possibility
that we may not know everything about a person or what they are struggling
with.
2) Understanding
will allow us to make a difference.
· Realize what you have in
common. People with invisible
disabilities want the same things you want.
o
To
be seen and heard. To have a voice.
o
To
be part of something bigger than themselves and to add value to this world in
the form of family, friendships, workplace, relationships
Most of all, they want to be seen for who they are, not by what they
can or cannot do.
· Encourage them to aspire
to and create the broadest life possible.
Whether
this entails medication, special training, or environmental assistance, make
certain that you reach for everything you can to help provide the fullest life
possible. Let go of what you “think”
they should aspire to and need to be happy. Challenge the cultural ideals of
“normal.”
· Understand and help
overcome frustrations. The anxiety-ridden friend
who cannot commit to a social gathering may be annoying. The person with environmental allergies who
asks what chemicals you use before they come over may seem out of line. The relative
with bi-polar disorder who inhibits conversation at the dinner table may seem
unbearable. But know that for all your frustration with them, their frustration
with themselves is far greater. Showing understanding while letting them
know they are valued goes a long way in alleviating their frustrations—and yours.
3) Acceptance is the most powerful
gift we can give.
· Give the gifts of
acceptance and love. We all want to feel
relevant. We all want to feel we have a place in the world, and in the hearts
and minds of others. But when we have an invisible disability, these feelings
can be elusive. By providing
unconditional acceptance and love, we turn the elusive into reality.
HOW can we put this awareness, understanding and acceptance into daily
practice?
The SEE Approach
EVERYDAY, all of us
encounter people in different situations and form judgments right away, without
all the facts. It is human nature. Often, there is more to the story than what
we see at first glance. I have developed a simple formula or acronym to
challenge myself to approach people I encounter in a different way. I call it
the SEE approach.
o Stop. Pause. Take a
breath, a beat, a moment, before you do or say something impatient or hurtful,
take a moment to consider.
o Evaluate: Ask questions. Is
there impairment? Could there be more than what I see on the surface?
o Empathize: Put yourself in
their shoes. Give compassion.
Stop.
Evaluate.
Empathize.
SEE.
-KB